this is how i feel this afternoon!

They say there's no place like home, I believe that
But my home is not where last night I sat
My home is where I keep my things
My home is where my doorbell rings
My home is not where my memories lie
Where I grew up in sorrow and the years wondered by
And now it's discovered I will always be bound
It surrounds me with love like a comforting dome
Being wrapped in your arms is where I call my home
My life makes more sense, the world seems more true
I love my home and I really love you

loss

You don't love me, is my destiny
You don't care, is my bad luck
You don't need me, is my loss
As never ever again you want to hold me, is again my loss
Is also the pain, of my life.
This pain I wish, I never had to feel, is again my destiny
Which is why my luck is running out.
I am failing, and gaining nothing...Except pain
Is my biggest loss.

trust

To trust someone means you trust them with your life
To trust someone is based on your clarity of judgement
To trust is to believe that the person has you 100%
To trust
To trust
Who could you trust in your greatest moment in need?
Who will be worthy of having your trust?
Will you be able to confide your trust among certain people?

how lost im

Months have past, my life have lost direction to move on.
everything have stop, my hope died. i have nothing else beside my shadow.
the only things that will not betray me is my shadow. i have done some mistake, i have lose my love one, my life is full of sadness and anger.i wish someone just kill me.....

i really miss you.. i wanted you so badly... i can't face it... everything i do remind me of you. i miss you so badly....

Anger

Anger is deep within me
Anger is what I want to hear
Anger drives me crazy
Anger is what turns me on
Anger wants to kill me
Anger is what makes me mad
Anger inside me
Needs to stop
Where did it come from
Will it ever stop
My anger is uncontrollable
Anger lashes out at innocent victims
But, why, where, who, what
Brought me so much anger?
Everything makes more anger in me
Life full of pain
Is there ever gonna be an ending?

Woman

Woman, Oh woman
Why do you make me feel
Every time I'm near you
My heads a spinning wheel

Woman, Oh woman
What have you done to me
Woman, Oh woman
Did you cast a spell on me

Woman, Oh woman
When you touch me, I chill
When you kiss me, I'm in heaven
I've known nothing so real

Woman, Oh woman
When I gaze into your eyes
I'm blinded by the passion
I feel that's deep inside

Woman, Oh woman
Did you over do your spell
My hearts in many pieces
It sadness me to tell

Woman, Oh woman
What have you done to me
Woman, Oh woman
Did you cast a spell on me

Woman, Oh woman
In sadness I do tell
My hearts in tiny pieces
Did you over do your spell

alone

alone I am in the rain
wishing and wishing for it to rid my pain
alone in the darkness I couldn’t ask for more
alone as I cry these salty tears
alone dreaming about my fears
alone I am but why
why would I lay here and die
why is my being alone always the answer
why is being alone part of my disaster.
Alone I am in my fairytale dream

The darkness around me what does it mean
alone as the cold drapes over me
forever alone I choose to be.

life II

Life is full of challenges
Which people do face
Life comes and goes
Just as the season changes
Life is all about time which
Which wait for no one
Life is so beautiful
Which is not appreciated by all
Life is a market place
Where people sell and buy
Life is a journey
Where people travel pass
Life is up and down
Where people struggle
Life is all about you
Life life life life
Ever existing

Memory II

This love I feel is a memory
But this memory of love is loved
For it’s a truly lovely memory
Of us two, who have loved

But our love is only a memory
and memories are soon forgotten
But the love I hold for you
Will never spoil, nor rotten

It’s not the love that you remember
For that love is a memory true
The love I hold is that of a loved one
Yes, I’d say that would do

For our love is ever evolving
Be it dead and in the past
The love I have for you now
Not even time could out last

Call it the love of the first
Or the first love for sake
No matter the distance, no matter the time
A simple call you can always make

For this love I’ll always remember
Until my last breath day
The brotherly love I hold for you now
I wouldn’t have it any other way

running away

I am running out things to say
I am running out of lies
I am running out trust
I am running out of Idea
I am running out of love
I am running out of hopes
I am running out of dreams
I am running out of silent screams

I am starting to get tired of running toward you
so I guess ill just start running away

Fear

Fear is when you run away,
Fear is when you’re scared to love someone,
Fear is when the sky turns upside-down,
Fear is when you lose your loved ones,
Fear is a feeling of danger,
Fear is when you aren’t brave,
Fear is the feeling of anger,
Fear is when you can’t behave,
Fear is when your shy,
Fear is like not having devotion,
Fear is when you’re afraid of saying bye,
Fear is like a dark blue ocean,
Fear is like being lonely,
Fear is like not being able to reappear,
Fear is like feeling ghostly,
Fear is like a dark dungeon.

My angel

My angel is the one who looks over me
My angel is the who cares for me
My angel is the one who loves me
My angel has beautiful eye
My angel has beautiful black hair
My angel will be there when I get hurt
My angel will be the one that is always on my mind
She is the angel that keeps me breathing
She is the angel of my dream
She is the angel that keeps me alive
My angel will cheer me up when I’m sad
My angel will love me for me
She is my angel of my life

Sometimes

Sometimes i feel like I'm left out,
Sometimes I don't like my life,

Sometimes I feel like the world
should be different,

Sometimes I just think there's a missing piece,
Sometimes I feel like people don't like me,

Sometimes I feel like the world is after me,
but just only sometimes

Moody

What is life when all you do is breath
What is life with no mission
What is life as it lies around and does nothing but explode you
What is life when you are limited against others
What is life if you cant tell what's there for you
What is life if I have no answers to these questions
What is life if you don't know the end to it
What is life after your death
What is life without rhythm
What is life with limited chances
What is life with lie

What do I mean by 'life'

A true friend

A true friend
A true friend is the one who picks you up when you fall
A true friend is one that won't lie
A true friend is there when you call
A true friend is there when you want to die
A true friend knows just what to say
A true friend won't care what other people think
A true friend will help you find your way
A true friend will make sure you don't sink
A true friend will help you choose your path
A true friend will know when something is wrong
A true friend has to sometimes face your wrath
A true friend makes you feel like you belong
A true friend………………………………….

Lonely Part II

Lonely, lonely me, I'm all by myself
All alone in my tiny world
Lonely, the world run without me.
Oh, lonely, lonely me; in a cruel and twisted world.
Close my eyes and drifting away
From this lonely, lonely place

Lonely

Lonely I, lonely love you,
Lonely I, surrounded by nothing,
Lonely I, pieced and waiting,
Lonely I, cursed without you.

Lonely I, sit and think,
Lonely I, was before I met you,
Lonely I, hopeless still love you,
Lonely I, pain and nothing.

Lonely I, in the darkness,
Lonely I, with my tears,
Lonely I, sorrow and hate,
Lonely I, is this my fate?

Love

What is it with Love
That makes me
then breaks me?

When in love
Do I truly love?

Is it really love
Or do I think that I love?

Maybe I just love being in love
Or love the idea of being in love?

I spent my whole life chasing love.
In the end the one thing I truly love
Could just be the pursuit of love.

Sorrow

In my inner grove, I sowed for sorrow.
Oh, how it grew below my skies,
such marvelous sight in my eyes.
I lived for sorrow -
till it grew too large in my grove,
I wept;
and watered my sorrow with tears.
I sowed for sorrow till it lived
and grew so strong, so fine.
It lived to take away my life...
It lived and then I died.

I remember

I remember when you said I love you
I remember when I said yeah me too

I remember our first kiss
I remember all the things we do

I remember when you said together...always
I remember when I stood in front of you dazzled and amazed

I remember the sparkle in your eyes and
I remember the tears you made me cry

I remember how I spend my time with you
I remember how you leave me, and I asking is there anything that I can do

I remember when I looked into your eyes and
I remember when we said our goodbyes

This is how i feel

suicide, suicide in my head,
suicide, suicide i'm nearly dead,
suicide, suicide my wrists are cut,
suicide, suicide i know i'm morally unwell.

suicide, suicide still in my head,
suicide, suicide the razors red,
suicide, suicide my hands dread,
suicide, suicide i know i'm morally unwell.


suicide, suicide prevailing in my head,
suicide, suicide the beginning of life,
suicide, suicide the end of sorrow,
suicide, suicide the end of pain.

suicide, suicide in my head,
suicide, suicide c'mon pull the trigger,
suicide, suicide im dead,
suicide, suicide i know i'm morally unwell.

I don't understand,
The pain of loss is too much.
Is that why I can't say sorry,
the pain of loss is too much.
I still love her
The pain of loss is too much.
She gives me pain,
the pain of loss is too much.
I sense in coming,
the pain of loss is too much.
The pain to me,
from her,
the pain of loss is just too much.

Loss

I resent
What loss represents
I resent
What great loss presents

So what’s the fuss about loss?

Waiting!
Debating!
Contemplating!

What is loss?
Something you care about
Taken away from you by force
Creating total unforgivable chaos

Thinking!
Blinking!
Seeking!

What is loss
It is a minus instead of a plus
Hence the unmistakable fuss
Death and sickness build up great sorrow
Loss brings despair instead of relief
And in loss itself I have no belief

I resent
What loss represents
I resent
What great loss presents
Loss! An unfair cause

Depression!!!!!

I have depression I do admit,
Admit that I have been depressed,
Thinking how much I wish I could be happy,
Thinking how much I want in life,
Thinking how much I miss someone,
When I look back I can see how much this depression has been there in my life,
I need this to be fake,
I need this not to be true,
Yet again its true I have this depression that makes me sad inside and the outside,
My depression has caused me to see how sad I can be,
How it makes me feel,
How this depression makes me think of cutting and suicide,
But we all human,
We have all have something to overcome,
I will overcome this depression once and for all,
I fight back some how,
This depression I will get rid of someday,
For now I have to deal with it.

Thanks part 2 =.="

Thank you,
Thanks for looking after me
Thanks for having someone to look upto and admire
Thanks for giving me space
Thanks for giving me advice
Thanks for making me laugh
Thanks for making me sing
Thanks for making me sigh
Thanks for giving me everything you can
Thank you

Thanks for everything!!!

Thanks for this and thanks for that
Thanks for the known and thanks for the unknown
Thanks for the things we called it loved
Thanks for the unloved
Thanks for the hearts small and large
Thanks thanks thanks

Even when life deals us lemons, we give thanks and make lemonade.
Even when the dark clouds appear ever so close to our person, we give thanks.
Give thanks give thanks give thanks

My Drug!

Music is what makes you move
Music is what makes you sad
Music can be good or bad depending on how its used
Music can make you choose different clothes to wear
Music can make you change your hair
Music can make you choose new friends
Music can make you want to dance
Music can make you fight
Music can make everything alright
Music can take care of you when your alone
Music can make everything feel like home
Music can harm and take away
Music can make you want to stay
Music is the only friend I have
Music is what keeps me alive
When I feel like I can't survive
Music that keep me survive

Confusing

Recently I was flirting with a girl. I have no idea why things like this will happen in this dark time of my life. Have no idea why I was doing this…. I scare I will drop into the deep hole and I really can’t afford to climb my self up.

My Identity

So lost deep inside,
Is all that makes me.
My true identity,
Is hard to see.
To my friends and family,
I’m a different me.
I have a secret identity,
Wonder if you’ll ever see.
My thoughts and actions,
Are all that makes me,
But some things I may do,
May not describe me.
Now look inside me,
If you ever feel,
like it,
I’m no-one but me,
Never hiding my identity.
Don’t say I am Donkey,
Because I never showed you,
two of me.
Now please,
Look at me,
Try to see the real me.
I’m no-one

My meaning of love

Love is unpredictable Love is uncontainable
Love is reliable Love is infallible

Love is right Love is wrong
Love is weak Love is strong

Love is good Love is pure
Love is real Love is sure

Love is jealous Love is pain
Love is lost Love is gained

Love is naked Love is raw
Love is everything Love is all

Love is here Love is there
Love is beautiful Love is fair

Love is great Love is shit
Love is demanding Love is it....

Emoing

I look at a tree,
And what do i see?
My Valentine's face
smiling back at me.

I spot a cute rock,
But, Oh what a shock,
For it remind of you
And that is no crock.

Everytime i think,
Everywhere that i turn,
My feeling just burn
With thoughts about you,
My love please don't spurn!

Each rock and each tree,
Each cloud and each bee,
The earth and the sea,
It all remind me.

Life

Some people might say life sucks
or life is full of shit
While other people say life is beautiful
or life is full of surprises
I must say, I agree with all those
Life is whatever you think of it..and everything you think of it
Life is what you make it of it and what you say of it.

Life is about sadness
Life is about happiness
Life is miserable
Life is about loss
Life is about smiling
Life is about crying
Life is about love
Life is depression

I could go on and on and tell you all about life
But I'm not here to sort this out for you
cuz..
Life is all about you and how you treat it
You criticizes it...well, you're actually criticizing yourself
You like it, you hate it..well, its all up to you
Life is you so be careful how you describe it

Lost

Lost feeling to care

Lost sympathy to spare
Lost patience to bear

Lost sense to keep fair

Lost endurance, to follow restriction
Lost peace, to stop frustration
Lost power, to avoid attention
Lost strength, to evade aggression

Lost courage, to sacrifice
Lost kindness, to be polite
Lost temper, to keep quiet
Lost thought, to be right

Lost anger, to control
Lost opinion, to give poll
Lost desire, to keep goal
Lost myself, to have a role...

Memory

You walked in to my life,
But just like that,
You walked back out,
Still you will be a memory,
A memory that I have created in my mind,
Still you will be a memory,
A memory that will always be locked,
Away in my heart and my mind,
I will always have a memory of you in my heart,
And I will always carry that picture of you in my mind,
Still you will be a memory,

Falling Away..

Can you say it and mean it from the bottom of your heart?
Can you take it and never let us fall apart?
Or did you fake it all from the start?

My eyes are bleeding for I don't know the answer.
I get burned when I look but there is no drop of liquid,
I can feel deep within that there is something you're trying to conceal.

That hard layer over my heart you cannot peel.
Because I'm not going to let you get close enough to help me heal.

I don't need it that much just let the pain

begin to kill.
I'm falling away forever.
I guess you won't ever be the one to stay.
We took the chance but it began to break.
I'm falling away forever with this pain.

Can you say it and mean it with all that you got?
Can you take it and let it be the last shot?
Or did you fake it and lost a lot?

My eyes cannot see the answer directly in front of me.
I don't really feel like I am your everything.
Why does every word from your lips gotta be so mean?
The salty tears drop down burning my cheeks.
I never knew that I could ever feel so weak.
Praying all night long down on bent knees.

I'm falling away forever.
I guess you won't ever be the one to stay.
We took the chance but it began to break.
I'm falling away forever with this pain.

Can you say it and mean it from the bottom of your heart?
Can you take it and never let us fall apart?
Or did you fake it all from the start?

Who Are We?

We were best friends for over .....
We shared the laughter, the memories, tears

But something occurred just recently now
I wish I could tell you some place, and somehow

Even after all these ....., you couldn't get this
How would I even manage to let it leave my lips?

Friends? You act like you've been here before
But you don't even get out much anymore



You want to hang out more
But I'm pulling away

When you finally realize,
It'll be a new day

Please don't fight it
You don't remember how to be a good friend
Sometimes these things are really meant to end

When your conversations are one-sided, you don't let me speak
I feel so bad that you're holding on to this, it's making me weak

It's time that you know what I've kept for a long time
Not telling you makes me feel guilty of crime

I've wanted to tell you forever now
It aggravates me all the time, like the chewing of a cow

It's been in the back of my mind
But I can't leave it behind

so...

Just Getting Started.

Lets talk about depression!

You’ve been feeling listless and low, can’t concentrate, and don’t enjoy doing anything that used to give you pleasure. You can barely keep your eyes open during the day, yet the minute your head hits the pillow at night, you are wide awake.